So, we’re still in January and I’m allowed to say Happy New Year! No?
The good people at kicked my backside and asked that I post something. So here goes eeerrmm ..ok let see.

Oh, before I say anything else. The reason I’ve gone awol is cos I’m not getting enough sleep at night. My baby has decided to keep me busy in the day and the night. This is one tired mummy. And my neighbour is a complete ass at the moment.

So I was reading something the other day and it got me thinking. This man is married with kids. Sadly after baby No2, the wife decided to not want sex at all. So he came to this forum and asked if it was ok to DIY cos he doesn’t ever wanna cheat on the missus. If things stay the same for another few years he will consider getting a wife number 2! His words!

A few people said that DIY-ing is not a godly thing to do. I’ve been thinking about it and wondering how you feel. Do you think it’s a sin to do it yourself if you don’t have a mate or when the SO refuses to unleash the goodies?

And what’s your take on DIY gadgets?

Ha ha ha What a way to start the year ey!

Happy New Year

aaand you have a huzzy…
So it is like 2 years into the marriage, and the last time you got some was last year in December around Christmas! Nowadays he went even touch you even look at you, why? Of late you look like you have been hit by a truck! I’m talking about shabbiness here the whole taking care of yourself shebang! You look like a 100litre drum (the ones used in building and construction), occupy three quarters of the bed then you expect him to want some of you?
You were once a ravishing, voluptuous member of the female species who used to command lengthy ogles wherever you went even in the seedy joints of River wood. Now you look similar to number 1, “mtu hawezi jua kama unatembea nyuma ama mbele” unless he/she looks at your hands. Anyway let me stop with the ranting and give you some advice: don’t become a member of a gym, they are just money making ventures….jog for at least half an hour every morning, more cheaper that way, always walk whenever you have the chance to, get rid of those ugly tatters you wear in the bedroom, burn them in fact and vacuum the ashes! Get rid of the weave, it makes you look ridiculous and most men don’t trust women who rock weaves, something about multiple personalities but personally I hate them because of this high school teacher who used to don them term in term out! SMH! Last but not least Google the rest of the tips! It’s free after all!!
Have some today.

Ghafla!Guy

This post is in response to this post that I did a few weeks back. Thanks Ghafla!
Oh and he is part of the team (assuming it’s a team) that is making sure we don’t re-write music by bringing us the correct lyrics here

googled image

Well just one but the s at the end of the title means you lot have to share with me at least one High School X-File. fair game, No?

His name is D, and oh how I loved that boy! I was in form one when we started dating (if I knew the meaning of dating then is another thing all together) We went to the same primary school and I was in the same class as his younger brother. The younger one was interested in me but I wasn’t. I can’t remember the details very well but I hit it off with D. I cleared class 8 just when he cleared form 4. So when I was a mono he was in college!

D used to call me every single day between 10am and 10:10am. That was as soon as he got off the mat to go to college. If my mum ever tried to send me out to do something at around that time, I would politely say no cos I was waiting for my phone call. She understood! Bless my mum cos I don’t know how she put up with it for so long! This was before mobile phones so no I could not take the phone to the shops with me.

My school holidays were spent at D’s house with his brother and sister. I would walk all the way to his and catch a mat on the way back. He in turn would come by four nights a week on his way from church. D was a very good boy. We would sit on the stairs and talk. Only kissed goodnight when he had to leave. At his house however we took advantage of kissing and shika shikaing (cuddles) We never went all the way cos he was as we would call it, a vegetarian. There was however days of heavy petting!

I would steal custard from my house and we would make it at his house with his siblings. I won their hearts. Sorry mummy.

Whenever I was sent home for lack of fees, my 1st stop was always at D’s house. While I was in school, D would write long sweet letters. And because he was learning German, he would sign off in German. He used beautiful coloured paper and beautiful envelopes. (he’s beginning to sound gay ha ha ) One of those letters was intercepted by the headmistress and my mum was promptly summoned to school. She brought me chips and sausage and chicken for big sis. (I started eating chicken in 2000!) The head gave me the letter to read to my mum, she said she would have a word but she never. She knew nothing she said would stop that romance. I kept the letter and she went on her merry way.

While I was away, I got sliced! My close pal kissed D and they started dating. See why boarding school is not good for you! Oh, and the same pal kissed my other pal’s boyfriend! Serial slicer hahaha When I think about it, two of my pals have kissed D

Fast forward – I went back home after being in UK for 3yrs +. I saw D! He drove to my mum’s and parked his car right outside. I was in my jammies and in bed. He called, my mum answered the phone and she told me D was outside. So I went, sat in his car and he kissed me on the cheek. I stared to shake! Damn it! I thought I was over D. We sat there a while caught up, kissed and I changed bid my mum bye and went to his digz! Very very fast I must say.

We had unfinished business cos we had never bumped uglies lol. So after a long chat I realised he was no longer a vegetarian.

D was a bad kisser and by then I knew he was bad. He used to bruise my lips back in the day and he was doing it on this night. That was the deal breaker! I gave him a story of why I could not do it and he dropped me home. Although he made me tremble, I knew it wasn’t worth it and if he couldn’t kiss what else could he not do!

Since then I avoided D, he even lived in the UK for two years and we didn’t look each other up, I knew we were definitely over.

D is married and I’m sure over that high school romance.

What’s yours?

When I was in form two, I used to go clubbing. The good part is, I never used to use the window to escape in the middle of the night. My mum used to let us go out as long us she knew which crowd we were with and between 6am – 7am you be at the door knocking! Cool mum…y’all jealous, you who used to push your dad’s car out of the gate on free, no?

I met this boy on the dance floor on one of those nights. We danced the night away and later settled in a dark corner and kissed. And kiss we did! I don’t think we left that dark corner till the morning. I however can’t remember the details of why we didn’t exchange numbers and why we did not communicate.

I guess I must have had such an impression on said dude cos years later, and I mean years later, dude tracked me down on FB!!!!!! You have to know that I don’t even remember what he looked. Our lips were locked through the night afterall!

Anyway, he’s married so hakuna repeat performance!

And just like that, condoms discarded or pushed to the bottom of the drawer in case we chipo in the near future.

Foreplay- we meet someone, spend lots of time going movies, coffee, dinners, walkies, talking, holding hands, laughing,sexting, texting, calling, complementing, showering, brushing our teeth before bed, kissing, caressing, caressing, touching, touching, touching ….
Then, we think it’s enough and you start jumping our wifeys two minutes into a fumbled bad breathe filled kiss! Quality mate, quality!

I’m trying to tie this two together cos the results are damning. In the first case you could be exposing yourself to disease and death. I know I know a bit too dramatic but you get my point. Second case leads to cheating (the unsatisfied party) loathing, hatred and the death of a relationship.

Don’t throw caution to the wind!

On ‘Getting Some’

Smeaj says:
October 19, 2011 at 1:15 pm (Edit)
The worst is to come guys: you have just arrived from that field trip hot like a horse but she can hear none of this. Should you be lucky she climaxes once and the rest is history, you can take your hunger to who-knows-who. I wonder where she expects you to take your libido to. And girls you dare say that your men are on the rampage? If you don’t take care of them, someone out there will. That I can assure you.
Reply
yellasoul says:
October 24, 2011 at 9:33 am (Edit)
way to go madam!…tell ‘em loud and clear…btw,basic hygiene ni muhimu sana…esp mouth and nahapo south…tuhurumiane masilahi jameni
Reply

On Kissing

savvykenya says:
October 17, 2011 at 2:03 pm (Edit)
Tell me about those tongue shovers, yuck! They don’t give u a chance to breathe and can someone tell them that is not kissing?
Reply
bomseh says:
October 18, 2011 at 10:39 am (Edit)
Let’s not even talk about dental hygiene.
Smeaj says:
October 19, 2011 at 1:03 pm (Edit)
Can someone volunteer to give then and this whole country at large a complete write-up on how to/not to do during kissing? This is one area I know lacks(and if they exist they are silent) experts and the havoc such shockers cause to relationships is unimaginable.
Reply
kbaab says:
October 21, 2011 at 9:02 am (Edit)
hahaha! I second Smeaj. How someone kisses is usually my deal breaker.
Reply
yellasoul says:
October 24, 2011 at 9:28 am (Edit)
ehehehe…i co-sing your rant totally…lol…to all those ‘gecko kissing antics’ people out there….its not that complicated…easy does it ..oh,na kuna wale who smooch like they are suction hoses….ata hao na tabia hizo zishindwe …lol…all in all,best thing is you can actually teach someone on how to smooch good …lakini if they believe they are good at it already,you’re in trouble hapo….hehehe

Someone help out on this kissing maneno. anyone?
I think pole pole ndio mwendo..don’t jump in there and try to kill me. Fresh breath, light nibbles, (not BITING) head massage, tugging on hair, giving a chance to the other party to kiss etc

And Yella said it well If you think you know it all…bassss we can’t help you!

You’ll never know they can kiss!!!

That is all. As you were!!!

You know when you zoeana with your wifey, you kinda let go of yourself. I’m talking hygiene here. You have a wifey that you live with but every time you look like you want to get it on she feigns headache (by the way sex is a good cure for headaches), fatigue, not in the mood etc. Well you need to put her in the mood. I’m only dealing with only one excuse for being on the bilaz train.

Remember when you met..errr remember..you used to brush and floss every night and take a shower too before bedtime. Now you come from work-bar then you get home smelling of sweat and tusker breath. Have your dinner, so add onto that garlic, onion, sukuma, meat breath. Then you jump into bed and say how you doing….errr NEVER! And if you succeed, pity sex and she can’t wait for you to get done and roll off her.

In short, shower, brush, floss and jump back on that train pap!
Thank me later

You and I need to forgiven our fathers. They were drunks, adulterers, violent, never home or even dead in my case at least. We have turned out to be who we are going by what we saw our dads be when we were growing up.

The lot I feel to address are the people who got it together but hate their dads with a passion. If you look at Jesus, he was crucified for our sins while His Father sat on the throne and seemed to do nothing. Don’t for one moment think that it was easy for Jesus to die for you and me. In fact, the hours jsut before His arrest, Jesus spent praying and agonising.

Anyway, you who’s got it together with a nice Job/self-employed, married, single, have your own family etc. I mean, you’re doing better than your dad and fighting not to be what he was.

Try look at it this way, you are who you are today because of your dad. The failings of your dad have given you motivation to be a better dad and for that you need to forgive your father.

This is not to say that I advocate for dads being all the bad things they shouldn’t be to motivate their kids.

If you’re still not convinced then do it for this reason -unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies.

I’m not sure this post makes any sense and I’m too tired to read it back – being a mommy

Steve Jobs – iRest