Are they happy?

Was tuned into kamemefm this morning..there was a discussion on whether married people are genuinely happily married.

Whenever I imagine that I’m gonna be married again, I know that ka cold shiver that runs through your body..yes that one.

Do you believe or do you know anyone who’s happily married and if so, has it always been that happy?
If you’re married are you happy?

If you dont believe in marriage then tell me about a come-we-stay situation. Afterall the differnce is a piece of paper!

what other kenyan fm stations stream online apart from capital?

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion, or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up. It knows that it must outrun the slowest gazelle, or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or gazelle; when the sun comes up, you had better be running -African Parable

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47 Responses to Are they happy?

  1. inexes says:

    cud it be am fao?

    Am happy. Its not always as the say ‘a bed of roses’ but am happy!

  2. Bantutu says:

    Screech!! It sef no commen!!!
    Numba 2 basi!

  3. Kirima says:

    I know people who are married and unhappy and as well I know people who are married and Happy. I also know people who are single and unhappy and some who are single and happy.
    Its a difficult question that you ask but my answer is that it is not the circustance or situation that you are in that determine your happiness instead it is whether your needs are satisfied and how you cope when they are not. Sorry not to be of more help.

  4. Bantutu says:

    Marriage rocks!!! Am married to my cat….And we just had two died…And we onli mourned for 5 minutes….How cool is that!!!
    Aniway the wise ones are coming…I just thought I shout my nonsense so that they can have something to diffuse…

  5. farmgal says:

    inexes yes you’re first!
    are you telling us something?

    bantu toa maoni kijana, you family n friends dont you?

    kirima maybe i should’ve asked if its worth staying in an unhappy marriage

  6. inexes says:

    @Kirima – Deep, that’s deep!

  7. inexes says:

    Aiiii yawa, si am a self-confessed Married Bachelor?

  8. farmgal says:

    i may need to google that coz i dnt jua what a married-bachelor is

  9. egm says:

    I agree with Kirima’s comment. You will find happy/unhappy folks in all combinations.

  10. farmgal says:

    lets forget the un/happy singles for now
    would you recommended one to stay in a ‘bad’ marriage knowing how unhappy the are!

  11. egm says:

    Unhappiness borne out of abuse or out of boredom or neglect? Of those, I’d definitely agree for one to leave if it was out of abuse. But for the others… I’m not so sure. But then again, I am single, so I haven’t had to think about that in any great depth.

    I disagree on the neglect one..take for instance this dude..he always ate, his kids went to good schools, bills were paid, sex was available …only thing wifie had to foot all the bills!…needless to say she got fed up and kicked him out!

  12. Luke (armchair spectator) says:

    Hi Farmgirl
    i’m a long time reader of your blog, first time commentator-keep up the good work!
    apart from capitalfm, there’s family fm ( and hopefm ( that both stream online
    i think KISSFM stopped streaming online……easyfm used to stream online but don’t anymore
    hope this info helps!
    As for marriage-some like it, some don’t. i like it, but my family background was of my parents happily married, so maybe thats why

    Thank Luke..I hope you enjoy it here!
    Am glad you’re happy n your parents too. I take courage!

  13. Ichiena says:

    I believe you are what you want to be. No one determines your happiness except you and your God. Happiness and Marriage are two separate entities and to expect one to come about because of the other seems unrealistic.

    If you are in an unhappy marriage, only you can determine whether it’s worth living that way for the rest of your life. I am no expert in relationships but I believe I would step if I was unhappy and believed it could not be changed.

    Come-we-stays are no alternative to marriages. They are marriages but by another name and if one can commit to that, then why not go the full hog and marry (benefits to the spouses and kids and all during succession issues).

    Mmmm I too believe that if one’s unhappy generally, nothing or anyone can make the happy!
    I have an issue here…there’s this buddy who lived with his chic for like 3yrs. they parted ways..i was married for less than the time they were together. problem is dude was trying to make it look like i had lost more! now how?

  14. inexes says:

    Inspired, i went ahead & googled married Bachelor.
    I came across this.

    “Ever wonder what a married bachelor does on Friday Night ? HE GOES TO BED EARLY (and dreams about his wife). What that means is that he wakes up early and has time to practice on his computer and fiddle with all the magic features on the word processor.”

    Could it be? food for thought.

    🙂 I’ll ponder that tonight!

  15. Half n Half says:

    I think whether its a come-we-stay, marriage or single, the issues are still there, the only difference is that in a CWS one is able to walk away without many comlplications and issues and expectations!

    I strongly believe is packing your bags and leaving when things get crazy. And I don’t buy the “what about the kids reason” I believe kids are much happier with a single happy parent that with two unhappy, always snapping parents

    Am not married and NEVER intend to!

    Any separation for me is complicated. In uk if you live together you’re adviced to seek legal advice so you know what happens incase of a split.
    You’ll never get married?

  16. Kirima says:

    The answer to the question is simply NO! You should not have to endure an unhappy marriage many people do it just for the kids but I believe kids nowadays can learn to accept marriages that don’t work. It ain’t a perfect world.

    I hear you!

  17. mwariwadavid says:

    Interesting debate..

    There are good marriages and bad marriages so there is no blanket answer.

    As for happiness in marriage, In my humble opinion, one can find genuine happiness. The problem is that nowadays there is too much peer pressure and even a promising marriage can succumb and crumble. I think people ought to be genuine with one another, and work on their marriages.

    I am happy with my marriage and I ‘suspect’ 🙂 my beloved is too. One thing that has helped is that we do not pretend, i am myself together with all my faults, and likewise I acknowledge his being, together with the faults that come with it.

    I believe it takes the Grace of God to have a good marriage, and He has given us a good dose of His Grace!

    But having said all that, if a marriage is clearly not working, I recommend pple to part ways.

    I’m very glad you stopped and joined this debate or whaterver it is. The problem today people get married but still want to enjoy a single life. I knw everyone should have kidogo space but one thing’s for shaw, you’re either married or you’re not. Take for instance this boy, has wife with two kids but come the club with single dudes..and some white girls.

  18. udi says:

    I think marriage nowadays is doomed coz of the different expectations that both people bring into a marriage. The men are stuck in the 60’s. The women are in the 2050’s.

    Now udi you know we’re getting married as long have a house, nice car and….
    ok you know wha am saying…have the right reasons for marrying someone. 🙂

  19. egm says:

    Mwari raises a valid point of people realising perfection in humanity is a myth, then working within those contraints towards building a marriage. It’s hard work, and I think for some, the willingness to put in that work isn’t there, thus unhappiness results. And yes, a good dose of God’s grace is needed! And as Luke pointed out, my optimistic frame of reference is my folks who are still very happy together 32 years on and counting.

    32yrs! Now thats worth mentioning! There’s no perfect someone…we have to choose to work with what we have. marriage needs alot of work. question is are you willing to ‘do the time’

  20. three types of crazy says:

    Interesting topic.

    I don’t think marriage was ever intended to be a bed of roses, nor one of thorns either. But it is a convenant between two people (or three, third party being God) that you have to constantly work at.
    The foundation on which the marriage is based like any other friendship will determine the strength of the marriage. Yes, you can not fully know your partner on the day you say I do but no the basics (does he sleep walk…….I am joking) but seriously find out the things that mean alot to you. A man can love you till he is blue in the face but if he is a spend thrift and you are tight on the money or the other way round…………you will have problems. You have values…………….shouldn’t you look for those values in your life partner? NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL. And I think, this is where a number of people go wrong. Well, I know some of my friends have married guys in the hope that “they” would change the guy- they were the ONE love he was waiting for. Waapi.
    Also think about what you bring to the marriage…. if before you were married he was your “knight in shinning armour”, really he still should be that knight in shinning aromour after you have heard that fight over the telephone bill (yaani, you were calling your girlfriends long distance bila phone card!!!!!!)

    But then again people change. Should you stay in a bad marriage? What is bad? For me if my husband beat me up…….watcha first I try to beat him back (best done while he is alseep) alafu, I am off to my father’s house. Kwani? He married a “help-mate” ama a “cow”. And when the bible says husbands love your wives like Christ loves the Church. As far as I know Christ laid his life on a cross for the Church. Sasa sii abebe cross yakee. Kuni pinga nini! Shindwe.
    Flip the coin, my sister next door might think that her husband beating her means that “he loves her” ( and I want to pay for the brain transplant hapa!). That the fact that said husband cn get this angry… least there is some emotion invoked. Shindwe x2.

    What is a bad marriage? Whereas in the past you had men and women who had kids out of their wed-locks and you have step children in solid families. These days you havethe fear of aids. Tell me why I am haning about for my husband who I know is clearly scattering his wild oats hapa na pale………………..I am not striving to die young.Yaani, when I die, I want to be telling death “twende”.

    If we saywe are doing it for the kids…………………sii rather we give them one alive parent than two dead.

    So that I have never been married or even come close should mean that the above is theory lakini huni pingi.

  21. majonzi says:

    Any relationship is challenging… a couple has to care enough about each other to work hard towards making the relationship work and progress. The same conflicts we receive in other relationships are present in marriages, and one needs to work at it.

    love is beautiful! I don’t necessarily advocate for marriage, folks have to figure out what it is they want from each… commitment doesn’t have to end in marriage… or begin at marriage, however you might want to look at it.

  22. jp says:

    My parents were happily married for 40 years till one passed on. In the fraction of that time that I interacted with them, it was a happy marriage and satisfied close-knit family. They never fought except for the usual expression of diverse opinions in which case there was always a middle ground. That shaped my opinion and I always looks forward to a happy marriage coz I know they exist. I am determined to make sure that mine will be happy too. In the same dose I know of many others that are hellish. Worse is that pple still put up being in these marriages. I don’t think I would stay, better a single happy life than an unhappy married life.

  23. Oliver says:

    for marriage cant really say … I am headed there
    For streaming
    there is

  24. acolyte says:

    The selection of stations that stream is pathetic I must admit kameme, family and hopefm are not on my favored list. We need more choices.
    As for my life I am not too happy but I am not unhappy. When it comes to marriage I doubt I will ever marry. I know about my eccentricities and pet peeves they dont go well with the marriage framework.
    I must agree and tell people that it also works if you marry potential esp if it is positive potential. If you get a man who has reached his maximum potential he may think you are with him coz of that ie his money, status while on the other hand if you help him/her reach their max potential esp if they had been trying to work on it you shall end up with a stronger marriage.
    I do think there are some happy married people, not too many but they are there because I do think half of the people have just become complascent about their situation while the other 1/3 hate it and the other third are happy. There are happy people in come we stay situations and a study once showed that they have better sex!

  25. Bomseh says:

    This debate is/was hot. Different people marry for different reasons one being reproduction and continuation of lineage. My case for instance; Folks are wondering what I’m still waiting for since I am the first son of the last generation of 6 paternal brothers and I am supposed to lead the way so that my clan does not go into extinction. (It might be hard for non-Lunjes to understand this). That is my family’s (extended) opinions. When my time comes though, I’ll have a long list of criteria the top being marrying someone who is going to be my friend forever. Someone who I will have things in common with. I believe that so long as there is no conflict of interest, folks can stay married forever. I believe this because I was born inside wedlock and my grandparents all died still married to their spouses. I believe in happy marriage 100%. Come we stay is just a modern form of marriage and I find it ok so long as the above mentioned traits exist. No prolem.

    Farmgal, You are going to get a nice someone and marriage can work again for you. Only be careful that what you see is what you get.

  26. aegeus says:

    Was here…

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  28. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

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    Thank you,
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    mam ruth
    elizabeth muringi karombe.

  31. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    women for leadership

  32. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    prayer for th people who died in america.

  33. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    Hon. Prof. wangari mathai a strong MP. in our Constituency tetu, Bravo, may God give you strength to another 5years race.

  34. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

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  35. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    PRrof. Wangari Mathai a model woman in our constituency, we are supporting you here in our beautifull TETU. Bravo

  36. Elizabeth muringi(jambokenya) says:

    Being Aspirant cllr. with Mazingira party Thegenge wardam arguing all my Beloved Kenyans to elect Hon.Mwai Kibaki tena for the next term, for him to finish his projects. Bravo MWAI KIBAKI

  37. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

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  38. margaret wanjugu says:

    Margeret Wanjugu and Elizabeth Muringi are moving door to door campaign. we are working hard day and night hoping that Hon. Prof. Wangari Maathai will be our MP for the next 5 years from 2007-2012. Plus our Hon. Mwai Kibaki be our President 2007-2012. We are on the race fighting with our enemies. May our Almighty GOD hears our prayers Amen.

  39. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    party mazigira-Prof.wangari
    P.N.U- Hon. Kibaki
    N.A.K- ngiru
    O.D.M K- kalonzo
    etc. but here comes a question mark N.A.R.C no body with the flag

  40. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    party mazigira-Prof.wangari
    P.N.U- Hon. Kibaki
    N.A.K- ngiru
    O.D.M K- kalonzo
    etc. but here comes a question mark N.A.R.C no body with the flag and yet the MP and Civic had elected with it.

  41. elizabeth muringi karombe says:

    party mazigira-Prof.wangari
    P.N.U- Hon. Kibaki
    N.A.K- ngiru
    O.D.M K- kalonzo
    etc. but here comes a question mark N.A.R.C no body with the flag and yet the MP s and Civics had elected with it.

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